Slaughter's Memoirs

[Slaughter]

Leaving home

"Don't Forget Me," I Begged

I left this morning, it was very early. The sun had just come up. I thought that I would be tired, exhausted even, but I just could not get his image out of my skull. My father's decomposing face staring back up at me. I could swear something supernatural shot through my veins as I pressed his eyelids closed.
I can't get this pain out of my chest. I can't make the tears stop coming and it feels as if things will never be alright. What am I supposed to do know? Everything is changing, everything is only going to change more and I am just not ready for it. I don't know what else to do, so I have decided to go on a journey. I can't just stay here with my dead Papa. I buried him. Father always doubted that I could because of my so-called 'weak female body'. It took me hours and I was up until dawn, but I did it. My arms and shoulders are sore from digging, but I don't care. He deserved a proper burial. And I gave him one just as good as any son could give him. I buried him right outside in the back of our small house, I know that is what he wanted. We have lived in this home my whole life. It is my father's pride and joy and now he may rest with it. Is it selfish of me to wish my father was back? I just wish everything was the same as it always used to be. I'm not ready to be on my own! I hate him!!! I hate him for doing this to me! I just want my life to be the same, I don't want to be alone
I don't want to be alone
I don't want to be alone
I don't want to be alone
I don't want to be alone
I don't want to be alone
I don't want to I don't want to I don't want to
I hate him for leaving me alone!!!!

I chopped off my hair after I finished planting the wooden cross. Just lifted up my katana and cut off half of my long blonde hair. It will only get in the way on my travels, it will only get in my face and get dirty. It was about time I cut it anyway. Maybe change isn't so bad, maybe change really is good for us . . .
I have decided to go looking for my mother. Since I was a young girl, I never wondered about her, I never even questioned just living at home with my dad. And it's not so much that I want to see her, but moreso that I just don't know where else to go. My mother is an angel, my father said. So she must live in the large towns that all the angels reside in. If she is even alive, that is. I have no idea if she is. I haven't heard from or spoken to her . . . well, ever. My father only ever told me a few stories about her. But I know that she is the reason for my angel blood and the strange wing on my back. I just don't know where else to go . . .

[Slaughter]

time passes. nothing changes

Cut the Cord; Throw Another One in There

Today I made my way over to a masquerade ball of sorts. I was of course, univited. But did that stop me? Of course not. Upon arriving, I noticed that that horrible apparition that I met in the forest had been laying dormant inside my own body this whole time! It was the oddest feeling to expel a ghost form my body, let me tell you. What's even odder is having some dead female witch hit on you! It is the strangest thing, and totally taboo! My father would be ashamed at the company I keep.

Despite the temporary excitement that brought me, I still don't think I will ever achieve any personal satisfaction. The search for her yielded no results whatsoever.
I don't want to start over again. I don't. I hate everything and everyone that I meet ultimately because none of it brings me happiness. I just don't want to have to go through everything again, I just want everything to be the way it used to be. I want my father back and I want my life at home back and I want my mom to stay. I would have done anything for her to stay, if only I were a little older. Maybe then I would have been able to put a stop to it.

Time passes. Nothing changes.
Cut a hole in the center of my skull.
Tear me apart. Rip me to pieces. Patch me back up.
Drill inside of my head. Turn me upside down. Let my thoughts spill onto the floor. Time passes.
Nothing changes.
Reach inside of me. Feel my insides. Tear me apart. Patch me back up.
Tell me I'm beautiful.
Drill a hole inside my head. Lick my brain and eat my insides. Tell me you love me. Kill me and tell me I was good for something.
I was good for something.
I was good for something.

Tell me you love me. [/color]

[Slaughter]

kill me get it over with

Ramblings

I don't get it, i don't need it, I don't understand it.
My brain is falling apart. Bits of flesh decomposing and slipping off like sludge. My heart, it hurts, and I am truly one of the cursed ones now. The ones that carry their burdens like wooden crosses on their shoulders.

It's loneliness. Unrelenting, merciless, ravaging loneliness.

All I ever wanted was control.
I used to think this was a way of controlling my life, and sometimes I still trick myself into believing that. Having my guard up constantly, and being so untrusting. Attacking others before they attack me, hurting before they hurt me. But, the truth is that I have no control. This is controlling me. I am nothing. I am gone.
This is controlling me. I am nothing. I am gone.
This is controlling me. I am nothing. I am gone.
This is controlling me. I am nothing. I am gone.
This is controlling me. I am nothing. I am gone.
This is controlling me. I am nothing. I am gone.
This is controlling me. I am nothing. I am gone.
This is controlling me. I am nothing. I am gone.

This is controlling me. I am nothing. I am gone.

This is controlling me. I am nothing. I am gone.


I don't believe them
I don't believe them

they will hurt me
they will all hurt me